Let's Talk About The Drifting Characters of Life

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I’ve seen you before

A few days ago I was sitting in my usual spot in Starbucks, reading my book and sipping my not-quite-enough-spice Chai latte, when a man walked in. I did a double take, and tried not to be too obvious as I stared him down, probably with a slight confused frown sweeping across my face. Why was he so familiar?

It took the duration of him getting to the front of the line, ordering a coffee, waiting for it to be made and saying thanks to the barista, for me to realise he wasn’t familiar at all – he simply looked a great deal like someone I once knew. I’m 100% convinced it wasn’t who I thought it was, but as he went on his way, taking his coffee with him out onto the busy Auckland street, all I could think about was the person he reminded me of. And I couldn’t for life of me remember his name.

What’s in a name?

This person from my past definitely had a face in my mind, I could picture them, I remembered what they did for a living, a few of their mannerisms, where they fitted into my daily life as a teen … but the name? What.was.his.name?

I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but I am good with people’s names. Tell it to me once, perhaps twice, and I will remember it for life. Except, apparently I won’t.

This whole experience got me thinking about the people who are only in our lives for a season. Perhaps they’re people in our classes at school to whom we were cordial enough towards, but as soon as graduation hit, we never saw again. They might be a fellow University goer; you were acquaintances once, perhaps even friends, and hung out in groups at parties that you thought you weren’t cool enough for; now, years later, you couldn’t even tell someone in which city they lived. A neighbour from your younger years, a friend of your parents, a relation of your best friend who you’ve actually known for years but haven’t seen them since that 18th birthday party almost a decade ago.

Drifting characters

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favourite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.” – Nicholas Sparks

Nicholas Sparks strikes again with this quote from The Rescue, but I think it’s so accurate. There are people who float in and out of lives that we may only know for a month or so, a couple of years maybe, but they tend to drift away again as you move on, they get on with their lives, as another book is opened.

It’s horrendous that I don’t remember that guy’s name. Perhaps if I dug around on Facebook or I contacted someone we mutually knew then it would come back to me. But maybe it doesn’t need to. Perhaps I knew that person for a season, and that’s all, that was all that was needed. I might never see them again (although, in New Zealand it’s only 2 degrees of separation, so you can never say that for sure), I may never remember their name, but for whatever reason they clearly made some sort of impact at the time, otherwise the entirety of their being might be swept from my mind.

Re-reading that book

“Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few, you should hold on.” – Mary Schmich

Nearly a week on, I’m still annoyed I can’t remember his name, but Mary Schmich seems to get the crux of it. People come and go, those that truly matter to you never really leave, those that had their time in your life move on and create connections in their own way, with new people, and in their own new story.

The book you open next might not have people from the past as characters – major or minor – but perchance you happen to re-read that book, open up that story, spot someone in a cafe that takes you back for a moment … may you remember them in those good times in the past, not beat yourself up in the present for not recalling their name, and appreciate those upcoming people who will walk into your future story.