Would I Survive A Zombie Apocalypse? Would You?

Last updated on 17 September 2022

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Would you survive a zombie apocalypse?

We’re asking the big questions around here today, but if you’ve seen Shaun of the Dead then you’ll know that you gotta be prepared for anything. Including a zombie apocalypse.

According to this Buzzfeed quiz, “You [me] have the makings of a bonafide survivor, but your enthusiasm and willingness to adapt may bite you in the butt, that is if a zombie doesn’t bite you first. More than likely you will charge headfirst into a zombie fight, finding that you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. You will probably last a good six months, more than enough time to learn how to properly hunt right before you meet your demise…” which seems fair, and sort of what I was expecting.

But in reality (as far as an ‘in reality’ statement can go when we’re talking about a zombie apocalypse), I actually don’t think I’d last as long as 6 months still human.

What I think would happen is that I’d last a week or two out of sheer determination, but then it would all come crashing down and I’d be a goner (most likely because I had run out of books to read and I’d try sneak from my great hiding place into the library and that’s when they’d get me).

I’d be turned into a zombie, but that wouldn’t be the end of me. I don’t think Zombie Anjali (ZA) would be gung-ho about eating brains right out of people’s skulls, but obviously, she would need them to survive.

Knowing me, ZA would put her organisational skills to use and rally the zombie troupes, plan an event, invite some humans (and get annoyed at them for not RSVPing), get another zombie to deal with them, and then fry up their brains into some sort of delicious stir fry with hot sauce, à la Liv Moore.

She probably wouldn’t do a lot of running or chasing, but she probably would delegate matters of hunting and gathering to other zombies, and become the zombie mum in the mansion on the hill, surrounded by the remains of iron fencing that she got others to pull down (because we don’t want to keep the humans out, we want them to come in).

The mansion would be cleaner than most other zombie dwellings, because ew blood everywhere is not a good look and she doesn’t like the colour red or rusty brown, but it would probably be very dusty because Human Anjali hates dusting and this trait would carry over, for sure.

Would she last long as Mansion Camp Zombie Mum? Yeah, I don’t know.

There would likely be a stronger zombie who would take over the mansion and crown themselves Zombie Monarch of the city, and ZA would step down, limp walk with that wonky zombie swagger off to the mansion’s library with a plate of brain dumplings and spend the rest of her immortal (?) zombie life reading … or at least until the remaining humans get their stuff together and blow up the house.

What about you? How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?

Take the quiz and let me know, or create your own Zombie [First Name] scenario. It’s Halloween, after all!